Hope - Long Post

3 is the magic number. Well it definitely is for me....

I'm not getting any younger, age old statement that isn't it? With my age creeping away from me and  With our Eli being a walk in the park, on his first birthday me and Antony were making the usually googly eyes at each other you know the type that make you think "aw he's growing so fast" so after a chat and a look into things we decided to try for baby number 3 in the summer.

Same routine applied and after only 1 month I was late. I took a test and it was negative so I just thought you know what, I'm just late. After a week I did the test again as I still hadn't come on, and there it was, a weak little pink line. I was shocked because I'd been having cramps as if I was coming on. But there it was, I was pregnant. Something wasn't right. I was in shocking amounts of pain. So it was no surprise to me that at 6 weeks (on another Friday 13th) I started to bleed. After a trip to out of hours and then A & E we were sent to the EPAU (Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit) where I was given a scan.

It was confirmed that I was having a miscarriage. My heart broke as the screen showed me what I had already suspected. This wasn't the first time for me.

I was given the usual literature and sent home to rest, the nurse advised that if I wanted to get pregnant again I should allow myself one period and then go at it as she put it.

And boy was she right.

I had recently undergone a minor operation and the scar tissue wasn't healing all too well, so I popped to the docs to see if it was infected. The Dr didn't think so but as I don't heal well she said I should have a course of antibiotics. She said "is there any chance you could be pregnant" to which I replied "well we are trying, I'm due on in 2 days" so she asked me to pop to the loo for a sample so we could rule it out. This was a formality, and she did the dip test and left it on the side and carried on jabbering away about my scar etc.

I was sat on the bed swinging my legs like a 2 year old when she looked at the test and said "oh, congratulations, Mrs Sale. You're pregnant"

My head whipped round so fast I almost broke my neck. I said "erm what?" And she laughed and said "come back after your period due date and well make it official."

I was to say the least flabberghasted.

As I walked out of the surgery my phone rang, it was Antony, he wanted to know how my appointment went, to which I blurted out " I'm pregnant" the phone went silent. When spoke he was just as shocked as me, and pleaded with me to keep it quiet til we knew more.

We waited till 6 weeks to have it confirmed. And then we told our parents. They were thrilled. And I started to joke about baby being a little boy called Isaac. We waited till quite a bit later to tell everyone else, it was tough hiding it on the school run.

Soon the morning sickness started, I'd throw up at a moments notice and I just didn't wanna eat. I was diagnosed with severe hyperemesis, but it was explained to me that as I was basically overweight there was nothing to worry about!

Again I was put under consultant care and I was given lots of regular and detailed scans. They were also telling me they thought baby was going to be a big one like Eli.

I had a 16 week scan to check baby's heart, as for the sex she said "I can't tell, but I don't see any dangly bits" so I suppose it wasn't a massive shock that at the 20 week scan it was confirmed that I was indeed having a baby girl. We were delighted. We decided to name her Hope Natalie Kim Sale.

Hope was a completely appropriate name for her as that is exactly what she represented to us. We rushed out to buy lots of pretty pink things for our baby girl. This was different I thought.

I'm not going to lie I wasn't in the best shape, I was in quite a bit of pain daily, I had suffered spinal damage from previous pregnancies. But all I kept thinking was, this is the last time. Just get through this.

As the weeks went on and the scans went on all was looking amazing, and again there was talk of her being a big one, and again I was weary. I was just happy that all seemed to be ok.

Again as the 34 week mark approached I was anxious but felt more secure in my pregnancy as Eli's had gone so well. I did however start to have problems from 36 weeks. I swelled up and got the dreaded cankles, and those god awful headaches started again. Oh dear. I thought and began to panic a bit. After a couple of trips to triage over the following couple of weeks, I woke up one morning and thought oh no, she's not moving. I did the ice water trick and she wriggled a bit, Hope was a very active baby in the bump so this was not good enough. I dropped Jacob to school and Eli to my sister and rang Ant to tell him I was going to the hospital.

Once I arrived and had a few tests it didn't take long for me to be diagnosed with pre eclampsia. It's a condition which presents as high blood pressure, swelling, headaches and protein in your urine, and I had it all. The nurse explained I'd be taken to induction and started off, so of course I knew what was coming next..... Or did I?

They came round and explained what was going to happen and then popped in the pessary. They told me to give it half hour then get up and get moving. Half hour later I got up and we walked to go get some food, after which I said to Ant "don't laugh but I'm having contractions" he saw this as a bonus and was practically rubbing his hands. We went back to my cubicle and I bounced on the ball, did some squats & walked the length and breadth of the ward and things were progressing fast, pain wise. The midwife noticed I was in some pain so she said ill come to you in the next hour. By this time it was late so I said to Ant, "go home, ill call you when things really start" I was coping well with the contractions but they were coming thick and fast. After Ant left things went from good to bad, quickly. The contractions sped up drastically so the midwife tried to examine me, to her amazement she said she couldn't find my cervix, even in my pain I can't help but crack a joke and I came out with "I've definitely got one love, dig a little deeper" she got to other people to try before getting an obstetrician to try. He wasn't happy with the speed of my contractions to they put me on a drip to try to make them stop, or at least slow down. They offered me gas and air for the examination for which I practically ripped their arm off. Again same thing he couldn't find it. Then the trace went off on one and my blood pressure plummeted. The obstetrician then said we've got to get baby out now. He said I literally had to get my husband there now.

By this point I was delirious. So I don't really remember the phone call all I remember was saying "get here now" when the nurse came round what felt like moments later I cried because I just wanted Ant and then standing behind her there he was. I couldn't have loved him more. They took us down and Ant got scrubbed up. The spinal block took an age to get in because of previous damage but once it did I felt like heaven. They brought Ant back in and began opening me up. I was so excited to meet her, when I looked at Antony and he broke down. Seems no one had explained to him what was happening in the haste of things and the poor thing was terrified. After nearly setting the whole of the staff off crying it was explained that we were ok and then she was out!

At 3.05 on Friday 10th of May, Hope was born, weighing 7lb 14oz, 2 weeks early!

She didn't cry as she was shocked but when they handed her to Ant it was the most  amazing thing to have her there, when Jacob was born he was taken away so quickly it was heart breaking. I just couldn't wait to get my hands on her.

When I got her on my chest she naturally fed straight away. She just felt like I had always had her. I thought that's it my family is complete. I was ridiculously happy.

We had to spend a couple of days is hospital as I had had a section but getting her home it just felt so natural, and she really has just slotted in. Can't imagine what it would be like without her now.

She's a really sweet little baby girl. She laughs and smiles a lot and she is just so effortless. The boys absolutely adore her and I'm so glad she has them to look after her. I love her to smithereens!

My little pink princess has completed my family and proved to me no matter what there is always Hope.

H xxx